I’ve been on vacation from classes for the last several days due to national holiday, and I’ve sure got some stories for you guys, but I’m going to save the kitschy stuff like Tokyo Disneyland for next time. I’d like to talk instead a little about a rather less conventional experience I had.

Warning: due to the particular content of this update, there will be no visual aid. Also, please do not use your imaginations.

I’ve mentioned before that Japan was the most seismically active country in the world—well, it’s got volcanoes too, Mt. Fuji being one (although it hasn’t erupted in several hundred years). Most volcanic activity manifests itself in the form of natural hot springs. The historic Japanese onsen is a hot spring used as a public bath, sometimes with a traditional inn built around it.

Today, while the old school onsen hasn’t gone out of fashion, the idea has been made a lot more accessible. The water is imported from springs all across the country to onsen “centers”, which at first glance look like fitness clubs, with juice machines and a snack bar, massage beds and chairs, and TVs waiting in the lobby. In keeping with tradition, you leave your shoes at the door. However, on the other side of that door is a surprise.

A bunch of naked old ladies. I should clarify that the sexes each have their own side of the onsen to bathe in, but that being said, your privacy ends there. In that locker room, you drop those drawers, no matter who’s looking, no ifs ands or buts. You better hope you’re with a good friend, because there will be secrets afterward.

From the locker room, you go to the showers, which are not showers per se. You sit on a stool in front of a vanity, in a long line of open vanities with no walls between them, and soap up, then pour a bucket of hot water over your head to rinse off. This is the way people do it at home before hopping in the tub, generally. Oh, and never, ever enter the baths without having washed. I won’t go into the details.

After you’re clean, you can jump in. At a good sized place, you will find not one kind of hot spring water, but ten. Some will be outdoors, some will have massage jets, and some will smell like cedar or sulphur. I recommend trying them all, despite the little kids and grandmas who will inescapably stare at the foreigners. The particular one we went to had a grapefruit scented sauna, which of course, you come out of smelling like citrus. There’s also a set of water jets in a closet to one side, which you can sit under to get a back and shoulder massage. I should warn you that if you’re not used to it, you may feel dizzy after being in the tubs for an hour, as I did. The heat will do wonders for a cold, but your body temperature will also begin to rise eventually, and if your experience is anything like mine, you need to get out as soon as you feel lightheaded. You can faint.

And that’s about how it works. In the lockers they provide all the gear you need to become lovely again, as well.

It’s uncommon, but co-ed baths do exist. I wouldn’t recommend going to one just to look at girls (or boys), as much as I wouldn’t recommend a nude beach. For every cute girl you see, you’re going to see about thirty floppy grandmas. You go to relax, and you will. When you walk out of there, you’re going to want a nap, because every muscle in your body is going to be in a state of repose. I recommend the massage beds when you come out, followed by that nap.

Til next time.